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Numbers Game

by Dean Howey

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1.
Look at what you want Is it what you have? Look at what you have Is it what you want? You can’t have everything you do want But you don’t have to have what you don’t Look at what you want Is it what you have? Look at what you have Is it what you want? Look at what you want Is it what you have? Look at what you have Is it what you want?
2.
Dove In 03:00
You made me falter At your alter When I was praying you’d be mine But then I gave in Gave up my praying And thought I’d preach just to kill time Said that I was ready To start going steady And decided to go face you I studied your book Your bible, I looked And you were ready too But the water’s always colder when you ease in Well I dove in too quickly As soon as I got out I didn’t have time to dry It was cold and you knew it You had a kiss you blew it And to myself I had to lie I dove in too quickly You were a rebound I couldn’t see around Cause I thought that I loved you You were so willing Dreadful yet filling And thought you loved me too So all this preaching Is leaving me quite weakened And frankly getting old So let me front some confidence And pay for my indulgences To save my soul But the water’s always colder when you ease in Well I dove in too quickly As soon as I got out I didn’t have time to dry It was cold and you knew it You had a kiss you blew it And to myself I had to lie I dove in too quickly I played myself this time Well I dove in too quickly As soon as I got out I didn’t have time to dry It was cold and you knew it You had a kiss you blew it And to myself I had to lie I dove in I dove in I dove in Too quickly
3.
Do you know who you are? But really, do you know who you are? Who are you trying to impress Why I need to know because I’m not sure whom I love or if I love anyone right now The person that I loved inside and out is now no more I need you to find yourself Because we need to find us And we need to find us Because there hasn’t been us in who knows how long Maybe this time will Rekindle the flames that burned inside us But part of me has this strange feeling we won’t Do you know who you are? But really, do you know who you are? Who are you trying to impress Why I need to know because I’m not sure whom I love or if I love anyone right now The person that I loved inside and out is now no more I need you to find yourself Because we need to find us And we need to find us Because there hasn’t been us in who knows how long Maybe this time will Rekindle the flames that burned inside us But part of me has this strange feeling we won’t The part that makes me angry and cry Is that our new selves may not comply Could we be less than friends I want to love you but I can’t I need you to find yourself With or without my help Because we need to find us Because there hasn’t been us in who knows how long Maybe this time will Rekindle the flames that once burned inside us But part of me has this strange feeling we won’t My drive My reason My motivation My girl is gone My drive My reason My motivation My girl is gone
4.
You shouldn’t have to wait all night To realize they’re your brothers You shouldn’t have to wait until she’s gone To realize that you loved her You shouldn’t wait until they’re dead To realize that you missed them But we do anyway
5.
I never write songs about the ocean Because nothing ever compares for the metaphor Then I put my arms around you and “oh shit” That’s where my hearts now headed for Lost in your heart Like the old man and the sea I’m only twenty years old Yeah, this is confusing I’m in love I’m in love I couldn’t ask for more The Jersey boy said to the shore Live your life with me Blonde and blue I ask of you Sand and ocean one and two Are all I want to see So live your life with me Don’t you ask me how I know that you’re it It may be in part to the way that our hands fit You throw it right back at me girl You’re smart and oh so fun And when you sing When you sing You make my heart run, love I’m in love I couldn’t ask for more The Jersey boy said to the shore Live your life with me Blonde and blue I ask of you Sand and ocean one and two Are all I want to see So live your life with It’s not in what you say it’s what you do So let me live my life with you It’s not in what you say it’s what you do So let me live my life with you I couldn’t ask for more The Jersey boy said to the shore Live your life with me Blonde and blue I ask of you Sand and ocean one and two Are all I want to see So live your life with I couldn’t ask for more The Jersey boy said to the shore Live your life with me So live your life with me
6.
I put it off, I procrastinate Like everything else I do, I’ll say this too late But I can’t make the courage appear I have no magic except for my ability to stay here What do I do when I’m falling out of love with you What do I say Should I wait another day What does it mean when you’re “so in love with me” What do I say We haven’t spoken in a day I put it off Yeah I procrastinate Like everything else I’ll say this too late If I made Myself clear All that’s left to do Is leave here What do I do when I’m falling out of love with you What do I say Should I wait another day What does it mean when you’re “so in love with me” What do I say We haven’t spoken in a day So I’ll bite my tongue Again and again and again And I’ll hold my breath Just waiting for this moment to end Til I finally tell you There’s no more us around the bend. What do I do when I’m falling out of love with you What do I say Should I wait another day What does it mean when you’re “so in love with me” What do I say We haven’t spoken in a day
7.
As many words as you can try to say I probably still won’t see Can’t quite tell what you want to portray Or how it relates to me Give me a reason, give me a rhyme I don’t care if I go through hell Please let me know it was worth my time Show, don’t tell
8.
Isn’t it cool when you walk how no one follows Like always behind you is a new slammed door So you walk back in With tears coming Like no ones ever not followed you before I want your friends to sing along So when they sing you remember I’m gone How does it feel to feel me walk out on you I bet it’s nice, but nice is not you We sat up on my porch for hours Until I could mutter what I needed to say Then the weight of my words Caused a sudden hurt And that is why you walked away I want your friends to sing along So when they sing you remember I’m gone How does it feel to feel me walk out on you I bet it’s nice, but nice is not you Nice is not you We sat on your couch You almost made the words fall out But then drew them back like you were crazy I knew what you wanted And I couldn’t want it Until it kept me up all night baby So sing along I want your friends to sing along So when they sing you remember I’m gone How does it feel to feel me walk out on you I bet it’s nice, but nice is not I bet it’s nice, but nice is not I bet it’s nice, but nice is not you
9.
Stupid 01:05
What’s the score? If we’re keeping track of stupid I’m surely losing It doesn’t always show But when it does it’s evident I embarrass you... I embarrass myself I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I don’t want to lose this numbers game Of back and forths and pluses and minuses I know I’m stupid so keep on loving me for it
10.
In the hour of trial The time when you left me I’m sure you were in denial Of what I could give to thee When did I waiver? That’s not what I recall Please do me a favor And don’t blame me for the fall In the hour of trial I fought not for the end But it only took a smile And an “I’m leaving you” again I offered you the pleasures I offered you my charm I promised you the treasures But all you saw was harm I want remembrance! (I want remembrance!) Of a love that had no semblance! (Of a love that had no semblance!) In the hour of trial I fought not for the end But it only took a smile And an “I’m leaving you” again You gave me a world of woe And set me below Love ever soon you’ll see Love ever I gave to thee In the hour of trial I fought not for the end But it only took a smile And an “I’m leaving you” again And an “I’m leaving you” again And an “I’m leaving you” again
11.
Expectations 03:26
Expectations We have so many of ourselves and others Expectations They are mostly set by mothers and fathers I don’t give a damn About what you think I don’t give a damn About what you expect from me I don’t give a damn I don’t give a damn So that’s what you can expect Yeah that’s what you can expect From me Expectations When there’s no scolding eye friends become true Expectations When there are no standards, when they’re not judging you I don’t give a damn About what you think I don’t give a damn About what you expect from me I don’t give a damn I don’t give a damn So that’s what you can expect Yeah that’s what you can expect From me I don’t give a damn About what you think I don’t give a damn About what you expect from me I don’t give a damn I don’t give a damn So that’s what you can expect Yeah that’s what you can expect From me
12.
Sunburn 05:17
Sleep come and tease me Like the muffled chatter through the walls Sleep come and please me Like the woman I don't have at my call Sleep come and keep me Like the lights of which I rant Sleep come and eat me So the monsters can't Well I know I'm stupid, so keep on loving me for it Well I know I'm stupid, so keep on loving me for it I know I'm stupid, so keep on loving me for it I know I'm stupid, so keep on loving me for it Well I know I'm stupid, so keep on loving me for it Well I know I'm stupid, so keep on loving me for it I know I'm stupid, so keep on loving me for it I know I'm stupid, so keep on loving me for it
13.
Get out of my head! If the dreams I have with you are only horribly infused Nightmares and fantasies then I'm horribly confused I wake up content But then the dream collects As the day goes on I want to forget It's not about love Get out of my mind! If the days I have with you are only horribly awkward Interactions that make me think about the love I offered I wake up content But then the dream collects As the day goes on I want to forget It's not about love I’m in lust with a girl But I do not have the heart I’m in lust with a girl I wanna tell her it’s not love Before we part Oh yeah, before we part Before I wake up Before I wake up I’m in lust with a girl And I do not have the heart I’m in lust with a girl I wanna tell her it’s not love Before we part Oh yeah, before we part Before I wake up Before I wake up

credits

released July 24, 2020

All music written and recorded by Dean Packard-Howey
Drums, mixing, and mastering by Tyler Kollinok
Album artwork by Charlie Wiggins
Additional vocals on Track 3 by Caitie Packard-Howey, Kristin Hartman, and Tyler Kollinok

Released by Knocking Door Music

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Dean Howey Ocean City, New Jersey

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